Happiness is loving others, quite literally (Crockett et al., 2010). Have you ever gone to a drive through and bumped into the rare happy-go-lucky underpaid staff who stands out from the rest of the (rightfully) zombied workers? Meet Spongebob: a man who works minimum wage and lives alone with his pet. Spongebob does not have the money of Mr. Crabs, the intelligence of Sandy, or the talent of Squidward yet seems to radiate a cheerful attitude, spreading positivity in most of his simple encounters. 

Our True self: Having an Open Heart 

Spongebob’s joy seems to be the richness of his heart, which captures the essence within us all: a state of being loving. This notion aligns with the findings of Nina Strohminger and colleagues. In their 2014 paper, The Essential Moral Self, they discovered that people define their “true self” based on morality, which encompasses positive virtues such as kindness and gratitude. Strohminger says, “Moral traits are considered more important to personal identity than any other part.” (Strohminger et al., 2014). 

Positive Psychology on Morality, Virtue, and Character strengths 

Being loving is a state of deeply embodied morality. Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist renowned for his work on the psychology of morality and moral emotions, defines morality as “those emotions that are linked to the interests or welfare of society as a whole.” (Davidson et al., 2003). Morality has a myriad of traits which are known as virtues. Positive psychology recognizes six main virtues, further broken down into character strengths. Tying it together, morality is synonymous with goodness while virtue and character strengths represent the specific traits of goodness. Most importantly, selfless love is the underlying presence in all aspects of morality and virtue. 

Clarifying Self-Transcendence: Selfless Love

The term “self-transcendence” is inconsistently used in psychological literature, with many psychologists introducing their own terminology for this state. Positive psychology employs terms like ‘flourishing’ and ‘eudaimonia’. In hopes of moving towards a unified definition, I will use the term popularized by pioneering researchers David Yaden and Andrew Newberg: “self-transcendence” (Yaden et al., 2017, Yaden & Newberg, 2022). Essentially, what we are all suggesting is that our happiest and perhaps truest ‘self’ is our self-transcended state: a state of being loving. 

William James On The True Self as Being Loving

A sage is one who is wise, but a saint [self-transcendent person] is one who embodies and lives the timeless, universal virtues mentioned in almost every religion and children’s novels. William James, often dubbed the father of psychology, in his book The Varieties of Religious Experience, described saints as people who have “a spirit of piety and charity, an inner state which before all things is one of love and humility, … accompanied with tenderness for others” (James, 1902, p. 255). He says that these people experience “strength of soul, blissful equanimity, and are the clearers of the darkness” (James, 1902, pp. 268, 271).

Self-Transcendent Experiences Increase Virtue 

In their groundbreaking 2022 book, the pinnacle of compiled self-transcendence research in neuroscience and psychology, The Varieties of Spiritual Experience, David Yaden and Andrew Newberg comment on Nina Strohminger’s 2014 research, saying, “These findings make intuitive sense. People who become less moral are seen as straying farther from their true self, whereas those who become more moral are seen as becoming their true selves. This maps with how people often say that they feel more ‘themselves’ after self-transcendent experiences” (Newberg & Yaden, 2022).

Moral Exemplars Trigger Self-Transcendent Experiences in Others

People who embody high levels of morality profoundly impact others, enabling them to experience self-transcendent emotions like awe (Keltner & Haidt, 2003).

Haidt explains that witnessing moral exemplars creates “a warm or glowing feeling in the chest” and motivates people to become morally better. It increases their desire to “be with, love, and help other people” (Haidt, 2000).

Gerald Jampolsky, MD, describes his experience with Mother Teresa in Love is Letting Go of Fear, saying he felt “an inner stillness” and sensed the “power of love, gentility, and peace” emanating from her (Jampolsky, 1979).

Yaden and Newberg, in The Varieties of Spiritual Experience, note that witnessing moral courage or excellence elicits self-transcendent emotions like awe (Yaden & Newberg, 2022, p. 11).

Self-transcendent Experiences Peel Away The Walls (Trauma) Around The Heart 

Self-transcendent experiences increase virtue by lifting the fear that blocks love, allowing us to embody our true, loving selves. There is an old Sufi saying that captures the essence of trauma: “The one who is burned by the soup, blows on the yogurt” (Fadiman & Frager, 1997, p. 113).

In studies, mice treated with low doses of psilocybin, a psychedelic compound that can trigger self-transcendent experiences, unlearned their conditioned fear responses more quickly than those given higher doses or none at all (Catlow et al., 2013; Kelly et al., 2024). 

Rumi beautifully captures this idea: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” By removing these barriers, we can return to our authentic state of being loving (Rumi, as cited in Barks, 1995). 

Self-Transcendent Experiences Cause an Effortless Shift

An interesting comment on the natural effect of self-transcendent experiences comes from James Fadiman, who says, “These changes in habits are not by willpower, they happen as an effect” (Fadiman, 2019). He speaks of a man who, after his experience, genuinely felt like eating healthier. Perhaps the man felt like eating healthier because he truly felt a sense of love for his body and that love became the motivating force, instead of a dread of disease. It is true when they say that love is stronger than fear. 

Yaden and Newberg argue that perhaps it is the profound sense of connectedness felt during self-transcendent experiences can lead to greater compassion towards others. Feeling deeply connected to all of humanity might inspire one to act with increased kindness towards everyone within that perceived larger whole. Their data indicates that most participants reported a change in their sense of identity following their self-transcendent experiences (Yaden & Newberg, 2022, p. 339). 

From ‘Personality Type’ to ‘Character Strength’ Type

Perhaps we should shift our focus from ‘personality’ types to ‘character strength’ types. The concept of ‘eudaimonia’ in positive psychology is another word for self-transcendence and was introduced by Aristotle, in which he asserts that lasting joy is derived from embodying basic virtues (Huta et al., 2014). As Aristotle said, “Happiness is the quality of the soul, not a function of material circumstances.” The stronger our embodiment of these virtues, the happier we will be. 

How To Be More Loving: What Naturally Tickles Your Empathy Receptors?

Aristotle emphasized balance in the process of embodying virtue. It is important to be sincere in our loving and not force ourselves to do more than we feel called to, as this can lead to bitterness. A key to unlocking more capacity for love is to start giving love in areas that naturally tickle our empathy receptors. Over time, this love will flow into other areas. 

Towards a Serotonin Satori With Love 

Satori is a japanese word for self-transcendence. Research has shown that when peoples serotonin was selectively increased, they became more loving (Crockett et al., 2010). This means that the closer we get to true happiness, the more loving we become and vise versa. Happiness is experienced in the act of the ultimate umbrella of morality and virtue: love. From appreciation to zest, take a look at the 24 character strengths in positive psychology, and you will see how every single one of them requires us to have a loving orientation in order to truly embrace each one.

References

Barks, C. (1995). The Essential Rumi. HarperOne.

Catlow, B. J., Song, S., Paredes, D. A., Kirstein, C. L., & Sanchez-Ramos, J. (2013). Effects of psilocybin on hippocampal neurogenesis and extinction of trace fear conditioning. Experimental Brain Research, 228(4), 481-491. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00221-013-3579-0

Crockett, M. J., Clark, L., Hauser, M. D., & Robbins, T. W. (2010). Serotonin selectively influences moral judgment and behavior through effects on harm aversion. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 107(40), 17433-17438.

Davidson, R. J., Scherer, K. R., & Goldsmith, H. H. (Eds.). (2003). The moral emotions. In Handbook of affective sciences (pp. 852-870). Oxford University Press.

Fadiman, J. (2019, April 18). The remarkable results of microdosing: James Fadiman [Video]. YouTube. Science and Nonduality. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AFFM8pfy4s

Fadiman, J., & Frager, R. (1997). Essential Sufism. HarperOne.

Huta, V., & Waterman, A. S. (2014). Eudaimonia and its distinction from hedonia: Developing a classification and terminology for understanding conceptual and operational definitions. Journal of Happiness Studies, 15(6), 1425-1456. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-013-9485-0

Jampolsky, G. G. (1979). Love is letting go of fear. Celestial Arts.

Kelly, T. J., Bonniwell, E. M., Mu, L., Liu, X., Hu, Y., Friedman, V., Yu, H., Su, W., McCorvy, J. D., & Liu, Q. (2024). Psilocybin analog 4-OH-DiPT enhances fear extinction and GABAergic inhibition of principal neurons in the basolateral amygdala. Neuropsychopharmacology, 49, 854–863. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41386-023-01567-2

Keltner, D., & Haidt, J. (2003). Approaching awe, a moral, spiritual, and aesthetic emotion: The return of pleasure. Cognition and Emotion, 17(2), 297-314.

Psychedelic Frontier. (2023). Low dose psychedelics increase neurogenesis, help mice unlearn fear. Retrieved from https://www.psychedelicfrontier.com

Strohminger, N., & Nichols, S. (2014). The essential moral self. Cognition, 131(1), 159–171. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cognition.2013.12.005

Strohminger, N., Knobe, J., & Newman, G. (2017). The True Self: A Psychological Concept Distinct From the Self. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 12(4), 551–560. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691616689495

Yaden, D. B., Haidt, J., Hood, R. W., Vago, D. R., & Newberg, A. B. (2017). The Varieties of Self-Transcendent Experience. Review of General Psychology, 21(2), 143–160. https://doi.org/10.1037/gpr0000102

Yaden, D. B., & Newberg, A. B. (2022). The Varieties of Spiritual Experience: 21st Century Research and Perspectives. Oxford University Press.

“I carry it with me,” she said.

“How do you carry it with you?” I asked.

“By seeing people,” she replied.

“How do you see people?” I asked.

“By traveling and seeing the whole person” she said.

“Okay, so it’s about learning and being open?” I suggested.

“It’s about being.” She corrected.

Imagine you sat down with a board of directors that consisted of the world’s billionaires. These billionaires are here to advise you on how to best leverage your current resources and skills in order to become a billionaire. 

You’re a billionaire, now what?

With their counsel, you become a billionaire, experience great pleasure in life, and have loving relationships around you. But… what if there was something even better than that? There is. You see, everyone on earth has their own treasure that needs to be discovered. The treasure is your calling, passion, or mission in life. Once found, this treasure leads to the most fulfilling life imaginable, because you will have stepped into the role that only you were born to step into. 

Only you have the answer

It is quite a journey to find out what this treasure is and you will need to listen to your heart’s voice because nobody on earth can guide you towards your treasure but you. Listening to your heart’s voice involves liberating yourself from trends, popularity, and instant gratification. It entails authenticity, eudaimonia, and inner fulfillment. 

Your compass: intrinsic inclinations 

Your guiding compass towards this treasure are your natural proclivities. What do you naturally gravitate towards? It doesn’t matter how crazy it seems, if it is truly your calling, the universe will find a way to let you do it. People have made livings from the most unimaginable activities, and that is because it was their true calling. 

The only instruction you need

It gets better though. There is only one instruction you can receive to finding your treasure: live. Immerse yourself in diverse experiences, read, meet new people, make mistakes, fall, and keep getting back up. The more you live, the more data you will have to assess and look for patterns. These patterns pave the pathway to your treasure. So tell me, what topics tickle your brain? What do you truly enjoy doing when you are all alone with nothing to prove?

The signs are all around you

If you’re trying to accomplish something yet you keep being met with closed doors, perhaps it is a sign that you’re on the wrong path. On the right path, synchronicities will occur frequently and it will feel like there is a higher power helping you move into this role. Your true calling should flow, the process should feel almost effortless. The man who’s calling is to make airplanes will make an airplane while enjoying the process and without over exerting himself. He will have a balanced life all around. But the man who is walking someone else’s path might have to work twice as hard, have an unbalanced life, and feel the need for extreme discipline towards the goal.

Everyone is an important piece of the puzzle

I believe that we are all special in our own unique ways, even if it may be as simple as being a mother, farmer, scuba diving instructor, or accountant. Your treasure is not everyone’s treasure, therefore, maybe nobody will ever conceive of the immense joy it brings you — but that does not matter at all, because you have found the key to enjoying the journey. 

You are exactly where you need to be

If you knew what your treasure was, you would not want a single thing about you to change. You would want the exact environment, experiences, and appearance that you currently have. The problem with those wishing they were born with other circumstances is that they do not see what is right in front of them. Your treasure is right in front of you, it’s just a matter of you seeing it. 

The meaning of life as a whole? That is beyond my perspective. What I do see though, is that there are patterns all around us in life which can be used to determine the meaning in our life.

1. Patterns

First of all, existence in itself is a series of fractals. It is organized, repetitive, and ever growing. The start is the end and the end is the start, it goes on forever. Studies show that looking at fractals calms people down, and many studies indicate the calming effect nature has on people. Nature is made up of fractals. This implies the importance of seeking out patterns to imply causation, or in this case, determine the meaning of life. 

2. Adversity and growth

Second of all, no human leaves the earth unscathed – life literally starts out as an adversity, with the big bang. Our Mothers face excruciating pain and we tear through that hole balling our eyes out. We all go through pain, but in saying that, we also grow from the pain we endure. Adversity that precedes growth is a fractal in all of nature:

• Exposure to viruses builds our immune system.
• Many seeds require exposure to cold temperatures to break dormancy and germinate.
• Some tree species, like the sequoia, require fire to release seeds from their cones, leading to new growth.
• Tree roots grow deep so they can reach high, they get stronger with wind.
• Plants in arid regions develop deeper roots to access water, improving their drought tolerance.
• Crustaceans, insects, and arachnids must shed their exoskeletons to grow, a process that leaves them vulnerable but is essential for expansion.

What does this symbolize? Perhaps that one of the meanings of life is to grow from pain. And while the crown of a tree may stop growing, its roots continue to grow. The same is true with us; our physical growth may stop, slow, or recess, but our internal development is a lifelong journey. So here, growth refers to moral development moreso than physical growth. 

3. Being of Service

Finally, Everything creation has something to leave behind. Trees give us oxygen and leave fruits that carry seeds that sprout into more trees. Beavers combat climate change by regulating the river ecosystems. Elephants use their trunks to dig water during dry seasons and provide it to other animals.  We have the ability to contribute to society by leaving behind ideas, solutions, children, technological advancement, art, and much more. Every person that is alive has contributed to evolution in some form.  Contributing to society is a basic human need. This is because we are designed to work, it is a basic human need. Being of service also feels good, with studies indicating increased depression in people who are out of work. These patterns are a recurring reminder from nature to find how we can be of service.

4. Love (connection) 

We all know that nature is deeply interconnected. In ecosystems, each individual part contributes to the proper functioning of other parts. These parts collectively allow the entire system to function. The same way, as humans, we need each other to thrive! Not just in an evolutionary survival way, but in a soul-nourishing way. Our soul grows when we give love to each other. Loving others makes us feel more connected and fulfilled. Love is emotional nourishment.

Tying everything together, objectively speaking, existence is a set of endless patterns. As humans, we are drawn to patterns. Two major patterns across species and nature are adversity leading to growth, and all of nature leaving something behind. This translates to the universal meaning of life for us which is to grow through pain and do something good for the world. Now, integrate this with your own story, skills, proclivities, and resources to discover your unique subjective meaning in the world. You are a valuable piece in the puzzle of life; without you, life would not be complete. So, tell me, what pain have you suffered and how have you grown from it? What tickles your empathy receptors or gets your engine running? What does life want from you?Throughout this process, let nature remind you of our interconnectedness and inspire you to love the people around you. Love is what makes life worth living, and is a reminder of who you really are.

There is a spiritual element to this quote that has pragmatic implications. Essentially, the quote suggests that truly wealthy individuals are wise people who have achieved mental freedom. Conversely, those who are not wise, though they may believe themselves to be wealthy, are merely deluding themselves. How is this possible? Well, wisdom involves understanding the ego and its socially conditioned tendency to pursue desire endlessly. Wise people recognize that chasing these desires, such as money, social status, and physical beauty, is like pouring water into a cup with a small hole at the bottom.

Thanks to their wisdom, truly wealthy people are liberated from socially conditioned desires and, therefore, are truly free. They understand that at the base of every human pursuit is a need for virtue.

In simple terms, a wise person embodies the virtue of love to connect with others and experience a genuine sense of belonging, while an unwise person, who is ‘enslaved,’ may attempt to attain wealth and elevate their status to achieve the same inner state. However, the unwise person may never reach this state because it is reached through virtue, not possession. Virtue is the highest form of wealth and the truest form of beauty, as the Stoics would say: ‘True beauty is the beauty of the soul.’

Pragmatically speaking, wise people are capable of achieving whatever they desire materialistically too, for the most part. To know what you want, you must be wise. The wise understand that the underlying goal is to be virtuous. Interestingly, when you embody virtue, you often become successful. For example, businesses and jobs revolve around solving problems. A virtuous person’s honesty enables them to clearly identify where their skills can be most useful, leading to inevitable, exponential, and unexpected success. Of course, you are likely to succeed if you do what you are good at and this truth is revealed through living virtuously. 

A life of meaning or pleasure? 

Many of us leave our hometown and thus our family, to pursue higher education and expand our horizons with the aim of living a better life. Often this process involves a few tears from loved ones, but we weigh out the pros and cons and decide that choosing our happiness over our family by leaving for a few years is worth it. Well, Aaron Smuts’ might disagree. Smuts’ is a philosopher who believes that a good life is about self-sacrifice and doing good, irrespective of whether it feels good or not. I believe that is a very limited approach to a good life. I’ll use the example of George Bailey, from the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” to critique this idea. 

Bailey is a man who sacrifices his personal dreams of leaving town and becoming an architect in order to take care of his family and community. Eventually, his uncle misplaces some money which earns him jail time, but Bailey the hero steps in and does his jail time for him. This lands him in a great depression, and he decides to kill himself. But then, an angel shows up and shows him how much worse off the town would have been without him. With this realization, he positively reframes his assessment of his life thus far and lives happily ever after… in jail for a few years. Smuts’ takes an objectivist approach and argues that Bailey did live a good life because it promoted “good” even if he did not feel good. I believe George is quite extreme and did not need to go to jail because what good is he to others in jail? Even if the purpose of life was to live in self denial and do good, being irrationally selfless impairs the extent to which you can contribute to others. 

This is where Existentialism comes in. Existentialists would take a completely subjectivist approach whereby just by feeling that your life has meaning, then it does. Again, we’re treading in the realm of extremes here. If a serial killer feels it is personally meaningful and pleasurable to kill women because he was hurt by women growing up, does that make for a good life? From a neurobiological perspective, it absolutely does not. Anxiety from guilt is an inevitable and automatic response to immoral actions. Our subconscious knows when what we are doing is wrong. The universe has some objective truth and then there are varied unique personal truths we uncover through self discovery. 

In this case, objective truth would be Victor Frankl and Smuts’ ideas that a good life entails deriving meaning through virtuous and selfless pursuits. Then, subjective truth can be derived from what is joyous to us that is not joyous to all. Discovering this subjective truth is imperative towards living the most meaningful and humanitarian life because the more we enjoy what we do, the more we can pour into it without running out of water. Smut says that fulfillment (joy) is one thing and meaning is another. I concur with this but take a holistic stance, highlighting the importance of both in order to maximize one another. Meaning, the more joy you feel in giving, the more you will give, so find a way to give that you enjoy! 

Finally, to drive this point down in different wording, Smut says, “We do not merely want to live happy lives, but meaningful lives as well.” The key word here is “as well”. We need meaning to feed our soul (happiness). However, we also need to satisfy our ego (pleasure) to fuel our body with more energy towards our soul purpose. If it was just meaning that we needed then we wouldn’t be born with animalistic needs, and pleasure wouldn’t feel good. It’s here for a reason and it feels good for a reason, so we should use it as our compass by mastering the dance between the soul and the ego.

We’re so quick to label someone a ‘friend’, but do they really deserve that title? Guided by the philosopher Aristotle’s standards on friendship, this article is a guide to the dimensions of friendship.

Okay, so what is a true friend? Well, according to the philosopher Aristotle, there are three types of friendship:

1. Utility friendship: based on a give and take. We are friends because you help me with math and I help you with writing. 
2. Pleasure friendship: based on shared experiences. We are friends because we do yoga together and make each other laugh. 
3. True friendship: based on goodness. We are friends because you’re a good (virtuous) person and I love you. 

A true friend is no longer a friend, they are family. Comparatively in a lot of eastern societies and some thriving western communities, an entire community lives like a family. It all comes down to love. Families are built on love: caring for each other no matter how different or difficult they are, enjoying their company regardless of the activity simply because you love them so much, and feeling all tickly in your heart when you see them thriving. This can also simply be called agape, a type of love referring to selflessness. When loving truly (agape), you don’t want anything in return but to see your friend happy and enjoy their presence.  

On the flip side, how would you feel if you were hanging out with someone only to realize that their intention the whole time was to date you or to get help with their essay. It’s a very disheartening experience. On this note, there’s a philosophical principle introduced by Immanuel Kant that talks about sincerity and how we should treat people as an end, not as a means to an end. Meaning you hangout with your friend because you like her company, not because you want her to finish your essay. Hanging out with your friend for the sake of hanging out with her would mean treating her as an end, but hanging out with your friend for her to help you with your essay would mean treating her as a means to an end which is the completion of your essay. Kant says we should treat people as an end, not as a means to an end.

Overall, it’s great to have friendships of all levels, but I only give the label of a true friend to a select few who where our relationship is built off of sincerity.

• Ego dissolution is like losing the feeling of being separate from the world and starting to feel a part of everything around you.
• You feel so connected that the dichotomy between self and world diminishes. You feel at one with everything.

The spectrum of ego dissolution

• Left: shows “normal life” where you feel like separate from others and the world.
• Middle: shows “flow state”, a deep focus where you merge with the activity.
• Right: shows “peak experience” where you feel one with others and the world.
• Sometimes ego dissolution can lead to self-transcendence.

The more you move to the right:

• You feel more calm & trusting  
• You feel more loving without trying
• You feel less lonely 
• You feel more connected to nature & people  

Most spiritual paths and religions aim to move us to the right. Some psychologists agree that people on the right end are the healthiest and happiest.  

Okay, so you want to dissolve your ego. Now what? 

• Open up by setting an intention or praying to whatever higher power you believe in. I ask for awareness, patience, and guidance. 
• Notice it, don’t push it away. If you push it away, it might play out stronger undercover. I like the quote “let go, let god”.
• Try engaging in Positive Psychology interventions. See a list in figure 1 below.

Word of warning:

• If anyone had the magic answer, we’d all be in heaven right now. So don’t trust anyone who thinks they have all the answers. 
• Take chicken nuggets from whatever resonates with you and leave the rest. 
• I love sticking to science! Instead of modern self-help, reddit advice, or spirituality books, I dive into academic books, research, and experts.

It’s about the world:

Shifting towards the right isn’t just personal growth; it’s a step toward making the entire world a better place, one person at a time.

Figure 1: Positive Psychology Interventions

References

Yaden, D. B., & Newberg, A. (2022). The varieties of spiritual experience 21st century research and perspectives. Oxford University Press.

Zelenski, J. M. (2020). Positive psychology: the science of well-being. Sage Publications.

Soul → transpersonal side, the source of the action of love

Self → animalistic side, the source of desire 

Vessel → body 

The Soul vs The Self 

Beyond the surface, there lies a thread that connects us all: love, specifically agape — a selfless form of love that embodies vicarious joy for another person’s happiness. All genuine acts of love share a few traits: they are unseen yet deeply felt, offering evidence of something transcendent within us. Why would one sacrifice their bread for their children if not for the awakening of a deeper aspect of their being, known as the soul—a transpersonal reality within? It is evident that acts of love occur when our soul is permitted to be at the forefront, guiding our vessel (also known as the body). This contrasts with our animalistic side (physical self, which is referred to as ‘self’ in this paper), which perceives only the physical transaction: I give you bread, you give me bread. However, the soul knows: I give you bread, you grow, which in turn fills me up, allows for more of me to shine, and brings me a kind of baseline happiness that is incomparable to ephemeral worldly pleasures. In summary, the soul, a transpersonal entity, is the source of love, while the self, rooted in our physical and animalistic side, drives our desires. In any given moment, the amount of soul expressing itself through our vessel varies on a continuum which is described below. 

The Source of Love

To illustrate this idea, this paper will draw from neuroscience, psychology, and the film ’15 Reasons to Live’ which captures the various ways the soul manifests itself, threading through 15 distinct stories. The beauty of these 15 stories lies in transcending one’s self to act from the soul. It’s not that the self is bad or the soul superior, but maintaining a healthy balance between both is crucial, ensuring one doesn’t unconsciously dominate the other. Though a deeper exploration of this balance is beyond this paper’s scope, this paper focuses on describing what our soul is all about: love, which is the action of the soul.

A Psychology-Based Visual 

To enhance clarity with a foundation in psychological theory, the subjective experiences from each story in the film are aligned with the continuum shown in Figure 1.

As the circles representing the self and the world converge, moving closer to the far right, this visually symbolizes what was described above: the soul taking front seat in our vessel (Kaufman, 2020, p. 203). This zone is where selfless humanitarian acts are produced because the separation between the self and the world dissipates. This convergence signifies that one recognizes and feels the underlying thread connecting us all — the soul. The more of the soul that is at the forefront of our vessel, the more one’s capacity to love increases. The stories from ‘15 Reasons to Live’ share various stories titled after reasons to live, and each story is a beautiful depiction of the soul in action at various degrees.

Flow: Stories 4 and 11 (Creativity & Praise) 

The story titled “Creativity” narrates the journey of a man who lost his ability to read while still being able to write. This led him to realize that creativity originates from what he described as ‘another part of our brain.’ He’s partly right, during a flow state, the brain’s default mode network (DMN), which is usually active during mind-wandering and self-referential thoughts, quiets down (Van der Linden, 2021). This allows for heightened attention and immersion in the task at hand, reducing distractions and self-consciousness. In simpler terms, it is as if the rational mind is turned off and the soul takes over part of the vessel. In a flow state, individuals often report creating content ‘effortlessly,’ hence the term ‘flow state.’ This phenomenon is also depicted in the story titled “Praise,” where a man finds a sense of community through songwriting. He describes his songwriting process, saying, “I’m an atheist, but I believe in forces that are greater than me. One of them is creativity.” While some may shy away from the word ‘God’ due to its religious connotations, it can represent a higher power, a transpersonal force — essentially, our soul, the fountain of love. Here, both cases appear to describe the soul stepping into command of the vessel, channeling creativity from its core essence: love.

Love: Stories 1 and 12 (Love & Meaning)

The first story, titled ‘Love,’ describes how a woman lets her husband go on a trip around the world by foot because she loves him. She believes that if you love something, you won’t keep it for yourself. This perfectly demonstrates the concept of ‘fish love,’ described by Abraham Twerski, an American psychiatrist. He narrates an encounter where a boy says he ate a fish because he loved it. Twerski points out that if the boy truly loved the fish, he would have kept it in the water and nurtured it. Instead, the boy loved himself, which is why he took the fish out of the water, killed it, and ate it. This story of the wife and her husband exemplifies the distinction between selfish love and selfless love, perfectly illustrating Twerski’s concept of ‘fish love.’ She loves selflessly because she transcends her self by allowing her soul to make a compassionate decision out of true love that benefits her partner, regardless of her material gain. In the film, she appears cheerful and looks at her husband with a loving gaze, in which the joy she feels for him is evident.

Another tale that depicts love is evident in story 12, “Meaning,” which tells the tale of a man living a hedonic lifestyle – drinking, partying, engaging in bad habits, and struggling as a starving artist. He is forced to take care of his dad’s finches. One day, a finch dies in his hands, which he says changed him. Overnight, he gave up all his bad habits and began going for walks in nature. He recounts, “I felt something that felt a lot like love for these wild creatures… it fulfills something that I didn’t know was missing. It fills a big space in my life. I feel a real connection to birds and nature. I don’t have to think about it; I feel easy-hearted, I don’t feel heavy, I feel alright.” It was as if the death of the finch prompted a profound psychological transformation, awakening his soul to take a front seat in his vessel, which was previously dominated by the self, thus shifting his focus from self-indulgence to a loving care for the birds and a deeper connection with the natural world. He began regularly going out in nature and engaging in bird watching. This is a great depiction of love because he does not gain anything from watching the birds, merely experiencing a vicarious joy for their beauty, and perhaps a sense of awe. Awe is a feeling that, in psychological literature, is described as a sense of expansive wonder and appreciation that leads to one forgetting about the self (Zelenski, 2020). A great way to explain it is that instead of merely intellectually knowing that the sunset is beautiful, it’s about feeling that the sunset is beautiful, or even feeling that one is the sunset.

Awe: Story 14

The story titled “Duty” narrates the courageous act of a couple who risk their lives to free a whale entangled in a net. Observing a hump in the water, they approached and discovered the whale trapped. The husband commenced cutting the net, with assistance from everyone on board. During the rescue, the whale’s movements posed a risk of capsizing the boat, and they spoke of fearing for their life at one point, but still continued the rescue. Luckily, they successfully liberated the whale, which then joyfully swam away, leaping in the water. They stayed for a long time, simply marveling at the beauty of the whale and feeling vicarious joy for its freedom. They reflect on their act as an exercise of compassion, a “muscle” everyone should strengthen. They prioritized their soul’s call to love over self-preservation, stating they couldn’t live with themselves had they not helped. Their eyes, sparkling with emotion as they speak, reveal the depth to which they were touched by this experience. Their description hints at an “awe experience,” potentially verging on a peak experience. With a specific line of questioning, it’s possible that they might have indeed had a peak experience as well. Peak experiences are the full embodiment of the soul in one’s vessel and are described extensively in psychological literature as ‘unifying’ or ‘transcendent’ experiences with strong neurological bases often studied in the field of neurotheology, but again, that is beyond the scope of this paper. 

On a lighter front, there are other stories shared in the film as reasons to live, which, even on the surface, may not seem to fall anywhere on the continuum. However, they are all connected by the essence of our souls. One such story is number 8, “Humour.” As a joke, the protagonist changes his last name to ‘Nobody’. He shares his story of how, on his first day with the new name, while working as a security guard, he connected with a man who made a joke about it, saying ‘Nobody’ is watching the cameras. This interaction made him happy. Why did it make him happy? Because he felt that he had a positive impact on someone, and this made him feel a sense of connection. Connection comes from love, and love is the thread that connects us all. Love is the action of the soul, and love is a wonderful reason to live. In fact, it is the core theme of each of the stories in the film.

In conclusion, these stories from ’15 Reasons to Live’ portray love’s multifaceted nature. Whether through acts of creativity, selflessness, or a deep connection with nature, each narrative underscores the soul’s central role in our lives. As these stories unfold, they also align with neuroscience and psychology’s understanding of the continuum from a flow state to peak experiences. It’s clear that love, in its purest form, is not just an emotion but a transformative force that transcends our individual selves, binding us all together. At the heart of this continuum is the soul, engaging in its most profound action: love.

References

Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. Harper & Row.

Jung, C. G. (1968). The archetypes and the collective unconscious. Princeton University Press.

Kaufman, S. B. (2020). Transcend: The new science of self-actualization. TarcherPerigee.

Van der Linden, D., Tops, M., & Bakker, A. B. (2021). Go with the flow: A neuroscientific view on being fully engaged. The European Journal of Neuroscience, 53(4), 947–963. https://doi.org/10.1111/ejn.15014

Zelenski, J. M. (2020). Positive psychology: The science of well-being. Sage Publications.

Zweig, A. (Director). (2013). 15 Reasons to Live [Film]. Shadow Shows.

“I have found a paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

– Mother Teresa

Mother Teresa is a prime example of a life well lived and a woman of true inner peace. Dr. Gerald Jampolsky reported being in her presence causing a shift in him, “I experienced an inner stillness while in her presence. The power of love, the gentility, the peace that emanated from her is difficult to describe.” It is true, as I read her words, the layers around my heart peeled open.

Mother Teresa, in my opinion, is profoundly wise, yet simple, and is a representation of what it means to live a good life. I mean, really, what can be wiser than love? Mark Nepo says, “we grow up wanting to know love, until we realize that we are love.” Mother Teresa’s life demonstrates to us what it means to realize, in Nepo’s words, that we are love. Or in other words, to embody love.

Mother Teresa is a catholic nun who dedicated her life to helping people. She started a charity in India called the Missionaries of Charity to help the poor, opened homes for the dying, raised awareness for Leprosy treatments, opened homes for abandoned children, opened a hospice for terminally ill patients of AIDS and other diseases, brought people of different faiths together by reminding us that kindness has no boundaries, and finally she won a well deserved Nobel Peace Prize and received global recognition. I am so grateful for that, because her life and words are inspiring me in so many ways. 

Mother Teresa’s life reminds me that the most powerful healer is love. Love is kindness, selflessness, and care for others. She reminds us that we are all connected and we should treat others with the same care we would our family. The same way that I wish the best for my brother or sister, I equally wish the best for this man and woman across from me at the coffee shop, because as much as my siblings are my family by blood, the strangers across from me are my family by soul.  

Mother Teresa says, “Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” This is a reminder that every single day there are tons of opportunities for us to give love in little ways, and I believe it is the little consistent acts of kindness that matter most.  

Mother Teresa is a wonderful role model who I’ll be studying deeper. I ordered 2 books about her so I can nourish myself with more of her soul food regularly, so stay tuned for more reflections on her wisdom #feelingsuperinspired