We’re so quick to label someone a ‘friend’, but do they really deserve that title? Guided by the philosopher Aristotle’s standards on friendship, this article is a guide to the dimensions of friendship.
Okay, so what is a true friend? Well, according to the philosopher Aristotle, there are three types of friendship:
- Utility friendship: based on a give and take. We are friends because you help me with math and I help you with writing.
- Pleasure friendship: based on shared experiences. We are friends because we do yoga together and make each other laugh.
- True friendship: based on goodness. We are friends because you’re a good (virtuous) person and I love you.
A true friend is no longer a friend, they are family. Comparatively in a lot of eastern societies and some thriving western communities, an entire community lives like a family. It all comes down to love. Families are built on love: caring for each other no matter how different or difficult they are, enjoying their company regardless of the activity simply because you love them so much, and feeling all tickly in your heart when you see them thriving. This can also simply be called agape, a type of love referring to selflessness. When loving truly (agape), you don’t want anything in return but to see your friend happy and enjoy their presence.
On the flip side, how would you feel if you were hanging out with someone only to realize that their intention the whole time was to date you or to get help with their essay. It’s a very disheartening experience. On this note, there’s a philosophical principle introduced by Immanuel Kant that talks about sincerity and how we should treat people as an end, not as a means to an end. Meaning you hangout with your friend because you like her company, not because you want her to finish your essay. Hanging out with your friend for the sake of hanging out with her would mean treating her as an end, but hanging out with your friend for her to help you with your essay would mean treating her as a means to an end which is the completion of your essay. Kant says we should treat people as an end, not as a means to an end.
Overall, it’s great to have friendships of all levels, but I only give the label of a true friend to a select few who where our relationship is built off of sincerity.
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