Happiness is a return to our most authentic state
Happiness is loving others, quite literally (Crockett et al., 2010). Have you ever gone to a drive through and bumped into the rare happy-go-lucky underpaid staff who stands out from the rest of the (rightfully) zombied workers? Meet Spongebob: a man who works minimum wage and lives alone with his pet. Spongebob does not have the money of Mr. Crabs, the intelligence of Sandy, or the talent of Squidward yet seems to radiate a cheerful attitude, spreading positivity in most of his simple encounters.
Our True self: Having an Open Heart
Spongebob’s joy seems to be the richness of his heart, which captures the essence within us all: a state of being loving. This notion aligns with the findings of Nina Strohminger and colleagues. In their 2014 paper, The Essential Moral Self, they discovered that people define their “true self” based on morality, which encompasses positive virtues such as kindness and gratitude. Strohminger says, “Moral traits are considered more important to personal identity than any other part.” (Strohminger et al., 2014).
Positive Psychology on Morality, Virtue, and Character strengths
Being loving is a state of deeply embodied morality. Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist renowned for his work on the psychology of morality and moral emotions, defines morality as “those emotions that are linked to the interests or welfare of society as a whole.” (Davidson et al., 2003). Morality has a myriad of traits which are known as virtues. Positive psychology recognizes six main virtues, further broken down into character strengths. Tying it together, morality is synonymous with goodness while virtue and character strengths represent the specific traits of goodness. Most importantly, selfless love is the underlying presence in all aspects of morality and virtue.
Clarifying Self-Transcendence: Selfless Love
The term “self-transcendence” is inconsistently used in psychological literature, with many psychologists introducing their own terminology for this state. Positive psychology employs terms like ‘flourishing’ and ‘eudaimonia’. In hopes of moving towards a unified definition, I will use the term popularized by pioneering researchers David Yaden and Andrew Newberg: “self-transcendence” (Yaden et al., 2017, Yaden & Newberg, 2022). Essentially, what we are all suggesting is that our happiest and perhaps truest ‘self’ is our self-transcended state: a state of being loving.
William James On The True Self as Being Loving
A sage is one who is wise, but a saint [self-transcendent person] is one who embodies and lives the timeless, universal virtues mentioned in almost every religion and children’s novels. William James, often dubbed the father of psychology, in his book The Varieties of Religious Experience, described saints as people who have “a spirit of piety and charity, an inner state which before all things is one of love and humility, … accompanied with tenderness for others” (James, 1902, p. 255). He says that these people experience “strength of soul, blissful equanimity, and are the clearers of the darkness” (James, 1902, pp. 268, 271).
Self-Transcendent Experiences Increase Virtue
In their groundbreaking 2022 book, the pinnacle of compiled self-transcendence research in neuroscience and psychology, The Varieties of Spiritual Experience, David Yaden and Andrew Newberg comment on Nina Strohminger’s 2014 research, saying, “These findings make intuitive sense. People who become less moral are seen as straying farther from their true self, whereas those who become more moral are seen as becoming their true selves. This maps with how people often say that they feel more ‘themselves’ after self-transcendent experiences” (Newberg & Yaden, 2022).
Moral Exemplars Trigger Self-Transcendent Experiences in Others
People who embody high levels of morality profoundly impact others, enabling them to experience self-transcendent emotions like awe (Keltner & Haidt, 2003).
Haidt explains that witnessing moral exemplars creates “a warm or glowing feeling in the chest” and motivates people to become morally better. It increases their desire to “be with, love, and help other people” (Haidt, 2000).
Gerald Jampolsky, MD, describes his experience with Mother Teresa in Love is Letting Go of Fear, saying he felt “an inner stillness” and sensed the “power of love, gentility, and peace” emanating from her (Jampolsky, 1979).
Yaden and Newberg, in The Varieties of Spiritual Experience, note that witnessing moral courage or excellence elicits self-transcendent emotions like awe (Yaden & Newberg, 2022, p. 11).
Self-transcendent Experiences Peel Away The Walls (Trauma) Around The Heart
Self-transcendent experiences increase virtue by lifting the fear that blocks love, allowing us to embody our true, loving selves. There is an old Sufi saying that captures the essence of trauma: “The one who is burned by the soup, blows on the yogurt” (Fadiman & Frager, 1997, p. 113).
In studies, mice treated with low doses of psilocybin, a psychedelic compound that can trigger self-transcendent experiences, unlearned their conditioned fear responses more quickly than those given higher doses or none at all (Catlow et al., 2013; Kelly et al., 2024).
Rumi beautifully captures this idea: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” By removing these barriers, we can return to our authentic state of being loving (Rumi, as cited in Barks, 1995).
Self-Transcendent Experiences Cause an Effortless Shift
An interesting comment on the natural effect of self-transcendent experiences comes from James Fadiman, who says, “These changes in habits are not by willpower, they happen as an effect” (Fadiman, 2019). He speaks of a man who, after his experience, genuinely felt like eating healthier. Perhaps the man felt like eating healthier because he truly felt a sense of love for his body and that love became the motivating force, instead of a dread of disease. It is true when they say that love is stronger than fear.
Yaden and Newberg argue that perhaps it is the profound sense of connectedness felt during self-transcendent experiences can lead to greater compassion towards others. Feeling deeply connected to all of humanity might inspire one to act with increased kindness towards everyone within that perceived larger whole. Their data indicates that most participants reported a change in their sense of identity following their self-transcendent experiences (Yaden & Newberg, 2022, p. 339).
From ‘Personality Type’ to ‘Character Strength’ Type
Perhaps we should shift our focus from ‘personality’ types to ‘character strength’ types. The concept of ‘eudaimonia’ in positive psychology is another word for self-transcendence and was introduced by Aristotle, in which he asserts that lasting joy is derived from embodying basic virtues (Huta et al., 2014). As Aristotle said, “Happiness is the quality of the soul, not a function of material circumstances.” The stronger our embodiment of these virtues, the happier we will be.
How To Be More Loving: What Naturally Tickles Your Empathy Receptors?
Aristotle emphasized balance in the process of embodying virtue. It is important to be sincere in our loving and not force ourselves to do more than we feel called to, as this can lead to bitterness. A key to unlocking more capacity for love is to start giving love in areas that naturally tickle our empathy receptors. Over time, this love will flow into other areas.
Towards a Serotonin Satori With Love
Satori is a japanese word for self-transcendence. Research has shown that when peoples serotonin was selectively increased, they became more loving (Crockett et al., 2010). This means that the closer we get to true happiness, the more loving we become and vise versa. Happiness is experienced in the act of the ultimate umbrella of morality and virtue: love. From appreciation to zest, take a look at the 24 character strengths in positive psychology, and you will see how every single one of them requires us to have a loving orientation in order to truly embrace each one.
References
Barks, C. (1995). The Essential Rumi. HarperOne.
Catlow, B. J., Song, S., Paredes, D. A., Kirstein, C. L., & Sanchez-Ramos, J. (2013). Effects of psilocybin on hippocampal neurogenesis and extinction of trace fear conditioning. Experimental Brain Research, 228(4), 481-491. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00221-013-3579-0
Crockett, M. J., Clark, L., Hauser, M. D., & Robbins, T. W. (2010). Serotonin selectively influences moral judgment and behavior through effects on harm aversion. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 107(40), 17433-17438.
Davidson, R. J., Scherer, K. R., & Goldsmith, H. H. (Eds.). (2003). The moral emotions. In Handbook of affective sciences (pp. 852-870). Oxford University Press.
Fadiman, J. (2019, April 18). The remarkable results of microdosing: James Fadiman [Video]. YouTube. Science and Nonduality. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AFFM8pfy4s
Fadiman, J., & Frager, R. (1997). Essential Sufism. HarperOne.
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Jampolsky, G. G. (1979). Love is letting go of fear. Celestial Arts.
Kelly, T. J., Bonniwell, E. M., Mu, L., Liu, X., Hu, Y., Friedman, V., Yu, H., Su, W., McCorvy, J. D., & Liu, Q. (2024). Psilocybin analog 4-OH-DiPT enhances fear extinction and GABAergic inhibition of principal neurons in the basolateral amygdala. Neuropsychopharmacology, 49, 854–863. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41386-023-01567-2
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Strohminger, N., Knobe, J., & Newman, G. (2017). The True Self: A Psychological Concept Distinct From the Self. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 12(4), 551–560. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691616689495
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Yaden, D. B., & Newberg, A. B. (2022). The Varieties of Spiritual Experience: 21st Century Research and Perspectives. Oxford University Press.